Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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