I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
