i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What a dumb baby whore.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
