There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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