Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
