wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
