i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
