I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do vagina's smell?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
