I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
