I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
