I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
