quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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