Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
