can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
