I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
