I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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