You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my being single is dangerous.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
