mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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