So drunk its hurt
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
