hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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