I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
