he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize