I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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