just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
