As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
