Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
