dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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