Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
