The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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