apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
