So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
