i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
grandma shit on top of the toilet
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
