omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We got so high we made milksteak
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
