try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
