I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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