oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
