your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
