no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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