I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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