Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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