We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
