I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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