he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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