i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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