Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I smell stomach acid.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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