I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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