I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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