You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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