It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
