foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize