Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
