There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
