So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it glows. i had to have it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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