I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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