The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize