he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
