My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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