I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
