my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
