So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
