Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just googled if crying burns calories
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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