you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
