You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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