I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize