Will you blow on my dice?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
