Only a mothe r could love this liver
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
