redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
