We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
