We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
