Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
