So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
