the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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